Empathy next

There is more to credibility than knowing enough. You have to care enough.

Remember “There’s Something About Mary”? Matt Dillon shows empathy and wins the attention of Cameron Diaz by sharing how he loves working with mentally disabled kids ("Those goofy bastards are about the best thing I've got going.") proving he understands her situation with her own disabled brother. That he is lying makes the whole thing fated to fail and funny.

In addition to knowing enough to help with your customers business problems, you need the perception that you care enough about your customer to help them with their problems. And what else? You really do need to really care. You have to be sincere.

I had a customer who was asked by my competitor's sales rep to cover for lies on the rep’s expense report. Do you think that rep was ever trusted by that customer?

I doubt it.

Empathy understands how the customer feels. It is giving up your judgments, your answers and interruptions. It is putting on their shoes and imagining “what if this were me…”

Show this by listening, sharing and clarifying.

Listen without interruption.

Share your feelings, and clarify by repeating, in your own words, what you understand about their situation.

These things prove you care and understand.

Repeating what you heard and understand is probably the easiest and most beneficial thing you can do to prove your empathy. But using your own words is important. Avoid being a parrot.

When I give my children instructions, to confirm I sometimes ask “now, what will you do?” If they just repeat my words back to me, I suspect they really do not understand, do not care, nor plan to do what I asked. But, if they tell me in their own words how they will do what I ask, then I know they understand.

Yes, do this consciously, and be sincere. You will win the customer’s trust. If not, like Matt Dillon, you lose the girl.